HARYANVI JOKES AND SONGS

Haryanvi chutkule

1. एक बै फत्तू खेत म्ह रेडियो स*ुणे था। रेडियो पै एक लुगाई बताण लाग री थी, बंबई मै बाढ़ आ गी, गुजरात मै हालण आग्या, दिल्ली म्ह… फत्तू नै देख्या पाच्छै नाका टूट्या पड़्या स*ै, अर बाणी दूसरे के खेत म्ह जाण लाग रहया स*ै। फत्तू छोंह म्ह आकै रेड़ियो कै दो लट्ठ मारकै बोल्या – दूर-दूर की बताण लाग री स*ै, लवै नाका टूट्या पड़या स*ै, यो बतांदे होए तेरा मुँह दुक्खै स*ै।

2. शाम – सबेरे तेरी घणी याद आवै है। सारी रात मन्नै जगावै है।
करने को तो करूं तन्नै कॉल।
… पर कस्टमर केयर की छोरी हर बार बैलंस लो बतावै है।

3. Ek jat doosre jat sey,
“Arre tanney bera ke Hanuman bhi jat tha?”

Doosra bolya, ” Tanne kyunkar bera patya?”

Pehley alla bolya,
“Lugai to ram ki kho gayi thi aur aag Hanuman ne apni poonch mein lagwa li! Jat ke bagair aur koi issa kam kar sakk hai?”

4. Teli aur jat ki is baat pe kaha suni ho gayi ke kaun ghana syana se. Dona ke beech shayari ka muqabla ho gaya. Pehelan teli ki baari thi. Usne sunaya, “Jat re jat, tere sar pe khat.”
Jat ne apna dimag top ger main thok diya aur bolya, “Teli re teli, tere sir pe kohlu.”
Teli bolya, “Arre jat ya to koi baat nahi bani.”
Jat bolya, “Na banne, sasurre bojh taley to dab ke marega.”

5. Ek be nu hoya ke ek cycle walle ne ek budhiya mein cycle bhida di.
Budhiya bolli,
“Re oot tu itni badi badi mooch ley rya se, tanne sharam ni aundhi mere takkar mar di?”
Cycle walla chora bolya,
“Kyun tai moochhan mein ke brake laag ri se?”

6. Ek shehri babu ek gaon ke mollad se rasta bujhan lagya.
Mollad bolya, “Nu kar tu hade te sudhe haath ne ho liye aur aage jakke sudhe ne.”
Babu bolya, “Bhai sahab mein ap se aap aap karkey baat kar raha hun aur aap mujhe tu tu bool rahey ho.
Mollad bollya, “Pher ke tanne babu bolun?”

7.  Ek bai gaam mein thanedar aaga us din us bhai ki bhans kise ki juwar kha gi. Ghana ulahana aa ya. To uske ghar wale bole, “Thanedar sahab isne darra ke ne byah tahi tyar kara do yo byah te ghana darre se.”
Thanedar ne us bhai ko darra dhamka ke bola, “Teri yehi saza hai ke tere ko shaadi karni padegi.”
Bhai usne darte ne shaadi ki haan kar li. Shaadi mein jab dulhan ko uske paas laya gaya to wo bola, “E bebe teri bhans ne bhi kise ki juwar kha li thee ke?”

8. Ek be ek Maruti alle ne truck mein peechey te dey mari, aur truck ke nichey bud gaya. Truck driver khidki te sir kadke bolya, “Arre bhai choongh li ho to bahar likkad le.”

9.  Ek mota sa seth ka chhora doosre chhore ke uppar chaddha bethya aur usney dhad dhad chhetan lag rya tha ar saath mein jor jor te ron lagrya tha. Rah chalte admi ne bujya,
“Re seth chhetan to tu isney lagrya pher rovey kyun se?”

Seth bolya, “Main is khattar ron lagrya soo ke jeeb main uthunga te pher ke hovega.”

10.  Ek baar ek shayri sunan lagya, “Tum uss chilmen sai jahanko, tum uss chilmen sai jhanko, tum uss chilmen sai, jahanko”
Ek bola, “Aagai”

Shayar fer bola, “Tum iss chilmen sai jhanko, mein iss chilmen sai jhankoon, tum uss chilmen sai jhanko mein iss chilmen sai jhankoon”

Pachey bethya aadme dukhi ho leya, ar bolya ke, “La dyo aag iss chilmen main, naa tum jhanko na mein jahankoo!”

11.  Mandir mein ek aadmi, Ram ki moorti ke aage jor jor se ron laag rya tha. Saath khade Tau ne poochya, “Re bhai ke baat se, kyon itta rove se?”
Voh aadmi bolya “Meri lugai ghar chhod ke bhaaj gayi.”

Tau bolya, “To bawli booch iske aage kya te aasu bahan lag rya se, Iski te khud khoo gii thi, Hanuman ke pass ja, wohe toh ke laya tha!”

12. Ek be ek chori ne jat chore te pyar hogya. chori jat ke aage paache haande college main aur boojhe, ek bata tu manne pyar kare se ek nahi…!!! Jat dukhi ho liya, saari class bethi aur chori bar bar pooche..chori ne danda de diya jat ke…tu mane pyar kare se ek nahi..??

Chora sehaj (slowly) bolya – I love you….aur chori raaji hogi..jhooman laggi ek jat set hogya…..boli Jorr se Bolo..Jor se bolo..plz!!

Jat ne rooka(shouted) marya- ‘Jai Mata Di’..!!

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http://bestharyanvijokes.blogspot.com/2010/12/kaun-sithri-dhaal-rahve-hai.html

http://omkar-chaudhary.sulekha.com/blog/post/2007/07/haryanvi-chutkule-9.htm

Haryanavi Songs are called – Ragni :-)

http://haryanvi-songs.blogspot.com/search/label/Haryanvi%20Mp3%20Songs%20download

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qt9_NB4LS4A   (Mera dhol kuye pe latke se)

Add your links and add haryanvi jokes to share with friends.

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